27 Oct Top 10 ways to annoy people at the gym
Author’s warning: Perform these stunts at your own risk. And if you are
going to do them, it’s advised to be able to bench press at least 350
pounds, or have a friend with you who can do that.
10. Over-braced, over-padded guy – Strap up like you’ve got every injury
ever known to man. To make yourself even more annoying, play
up how you’re lifting through the pain by smacking your elbow or knee pads
and yelling, “Come on, suck it up (insert your name here)..
It goes without being said you should also be wearing long socks – pulled
all the way up.
9. Religious spotter guy – Offer to spot someone on a bench or shoulder
press and proceed to overly encourage them with religious chatter such as
“C’mon, lift this for the Lord, God wants you to be strong.” All the more
annoying if you can also add some Biblical quotations.
8. Misuse equipment guy – Use outrageously bad technique and judgment with
free weights and machines.
7. Talk on cell phone guy – Have a loud, animated phone conversation as
you make your way through the circuit.
6. Overpsyched guy – Put a weakling amount of weight on the bar, like 95
pounds for a deadlift, and then make a huge, 3-5 minute production in
getting psyched up to lift it.
5. Over chalked and over belted guy – To add to the annoyance, before dead
lifting that 95 pounds make a big production about chalking up your hands
and fitting your weight belt on.
4. Philosophical spotter guy – Offer to spot someone and then encourage
them before the big lift with deeply philosophical comments. Here are a
few you could try. “Let’s go Jim, you can do this. Remember that Francois De La Rochefoucauld
said, ‘We are more often treacherous through weakness than through
calculation.’”
3. Work out in place guy – Find a prominent spot where lots of people can
see you and do a series of animated, impassioned workout moves while
standing in place. Run, jump, skip, speed walk, and finally hump in place,
all while talking out loud to encourage yourself out loud, “Let‘s go, be
the best you can be.”
2. Unbridled joy guy – Walk around saying in a normal speaking voice, “I
love life, what a great day to be alive, skippity doo dah, yay for me.”
1. Happy, singing guy – Walk around singing verses from cheesy 80s songs.
Here are two of the most annoying you could possibly pick:
Lionel Richie: “You are the sun, You are the rain, That makes my life this
foolish game, You need to know, I love you so, And I’d do it all again and
again.”
And finish off your gym session by belting out some Boy George: “I’m a man
without conviction, I’m a man who doesn’t know, How to sell a
contradiction, You come and go, you come and go. Karma Karma Karma Karma
Karma Chameleon!!!”
If you’ve been dumb enough to do more than a few of these moves, make a
run for it now — and don’t plan on coming back.
At Home Fitness consultant Aaron Dorksen’s blog deals with a variety of
fitness topics, ranging from workout tips, motivational ideas, feature
stories and humor on how exercise impacts people’s lives. E-mail him with
comments, questions or ideas for future blogs at aaron@athomefitness.com
Bryan Dorksen
Fitness Consultant
At Home Fitness
888-940-1022
www.AtHomeFitness.com